By Meredith Hutton, owner of meredithhutton79 Chronic Creative Lifestyle Management, where "Empathy Leads, Purpose Guides, and Resilience Builds. Turn Your Pain Into Purpose, and Your Purpose Into Power."
(I've created a set of worksheets that go with this post in my new series "Chronic Pain Worksheets - To Learn And Level Up" which you can purchase and download as a package for $4.99 here: https://meredith79.gumroad.com/l/defining-chronic-pain-chronic-pain-defined)
This post was originally posted on July 8, 2024, and I started updating it in early July, 2025. It's my test blog post for all my new ideas and improvements I've been brainstorming with well thought out updates and additions I want to make to each blog post. With each blog post, I will be editing and expanding on the written and visual content to include more education, ongoing support, and positive coping skills, that reflect on what I've learned this past year researching and writing blog posts. I also plan to offer both audio and video versions, as well as create worksheets that reflect what I discuss in that particular blog post. These are worksheets I've created for you that you can download, print and complete, that compliment what you learned reading that blog post. Not sure how I'm going to do it, but each blog post will eventually be packaged together with it's worksheets and offered for sale as a digital download.
This was my very first blog post, and I thought celebrating it with an updated version that adds all my new knowledge I've soaked up the past year, as well as what I learned creating my pain journals and symptom trackers, would be fitting...It lead to me to brainstorm some amazing ways to add more value to each blog post and has given me a bunch of really great ideas that I'm going to think about and put together for my followers and fellow Pain Warriors. Updating them over time is also another way I can present the same important information again, only supercharged with all sorts of interactive ways and downloads to engage with each blog post.
Hi, I’m Meredith Hutton—Pain Warrior since 2008. I am an artist and reside on almost 12 acres of forested land on Galiano Island, British Columbia (BC), Canada, with my husband, two adult kids, and our four dogs. Living on this small remote island void of major chain stores and traffic lights, we are not only embraced by its natural beauty, but we are surrounded by a multitude of talented artists and creatives inspired by Galiano’s exclusive charm. Since moving here from Vancouver in 2017 and officially calling myself an artist, I've been captivated by that natural beauty and found a sense of belonging within this vibrant artistic community.
As an artist living with severe chronic pain, I was inspired by my long-time vision to share my story. I've combined my experience and extensive knowledge of living with chronic pain, with my creativity, to create products and digital content that I share through my blog. This content focuses on education, support and sharing the coping skills and adaptations I've developed to manage my conditions. Through years of trial and error, I've proactively learned multiple ways to cope with and adapt to living with chronic pain. Following a breakdown in 2023, I felt a powerful urge to share my knowledge more formally with my fellow Pain Warrior and Spoonie communities, and their families and friends that make up their support systems. That is how meredithhutton79 Chronic Creative Lifestyle Management was started. A year after starting my blog, I am certain this is what I was meant to do. I feel like I was meant to write my story. To get it out there so others can benefit from what I've learned. That creating this exact business was my calling. Looking back, I'm so glad I listened to my gut and wrote that first blog post, as it's lead to the amazing journey that I am on.
In March of 2008, on a day I can't quite recall, a seemingly mundane task – putting my 18-month-old daughter in her car seat – took an unexpected turn. Stepping out of my SUV, I misjudged the curb. With one leg still inside, my full weight came down awkwardly on the other ankle as it hit the concrete. The force twisted my ankle outwards, sending it sharply towards the road. This misstep turned into a significant fall.
The impact was hard. It fractured my ankle, tore ligaments and tendons from the bone, taking some bone fragments with them, and caused severe nerve damage. The severity was immediately apparent. As soon as my ankle crunched outward, I threw up. Trying to walk to the driver's side of my car was a challenge as my ankle was completely limp and throbbed with a multitude of excruciating pain and nerve signals bombarding my brain. I couldn't put any weight on it. The first agonizing step towards the driver's side sent me reeling – I vomited again and collapsed in tears. Despite the overwhelming pain, I somehow managed to get up and into my car, contact my husband and parents to arrange childcare for the kids (our son was 3 at the time and at preschool), and get myself to a hospital.
The pain was unlike anything I'd ever experienced. Over the next month, it worsened and began to spread from the injured area. I was then diagnosed with Complex Regional Pain Syndrome Type 2 (CRPS). Within a month, the relentless pain had aggressively spread from my left ankle to encompass both legs entirely.
Less than a year after my fall, adding insult to injury, I was in a second accident. This time, I was stopped at a red light when a city bus slammed into the back of my SUV. The impact lifted my SUV off the ground and when it came down it violently shook me around and it took me a minute to realize what had happened. Within minutes, pain erupted in my neck, and was amplifying the existing pain in my legs. My head began to throb, and pain screamed at me from every direction. On top of that, I was shaken and terrified. The accident tore muscles in my neck, caused a bulging disc at C3, and likely a concussion (looking back with what I know now about brain trauma, I’m pretty sure I had one). My already compromised mental health took another hit. What was once a daunting challenge became much more formidable. The reality was, I needed to dig even deeper.
I’ve lived with CRPS and neck and back issues for over 17 years, and for most of that time, I’ve carried a deep desire to share my story. I always knew I wanted to create a space where I could connect with others living with chronic pain, but I never quite knew how to start.
That changed last summer.
Recognizing my need to reflect my personal growth in my work, I felt compelled to rebuild and grow my creative identity and online presence as both an artist and craftsperson. In addition to my updating my artistic identity, I also created a whole new brand and identity to focus on my new business as a chronic pain blogger, author of pain themed trackers and journals, and digital content creator. With a focus on simplicity, and myself, I decided to use my name and birth year and combine my passions of chronic pain, cannabis, and being an artist, to create and name my company, meredithhutton79 Chronic Creative Lifestyle Management. This business has allowed me to create new products and online content under my own name, showcasing my unique signature style while reflecting my passion for educating people on chronic pain. By offering something entirely new, I can facilitate my own healing journey while giving back to the chronic pain community.
In July 2024, I finally decided to launch this blog to share my experiences living with chronic pain and begin creating pain-themed journals and symptom trackers for my fellow Pain Warriors. My goal is to provide education, support, validation, and tools that can help others manage their chronic pain. To help those suffering with chronic pain to feel less alone on their journey. Thank you for being here—I’m so glad you are. I've learned that managing chronic pain is a significant commitment, and that it takes a village and I'm determined to make a positive impact on the pain community in my own way. While volunteering outside the home isn't feasible for me right now, I've created this platform to contribute to the chronic pain community from the comfort of my home to bring you original, informative, and inspiring products and online content that are a part of me and come from a place of compassion, support and understanding.
You can't know how difficult life is living in a constant state of pain until you live it yourself. No matter how hard you try, you really can't know. CRPS is a painful condition of the central nervous system that is always sending pain signals to the brain, disrupting the neural pathways that make up your brain. I have CRPS in both of my legs in their entirety and I can attest that it wreaks havoc on your brain, with its constant assault of pain signals that overwhelm not only the brain, but your whole body, and it can cause a lot of unpleasantness, and feelings of hopelessness.
CRPS ranks among the most painful medical conditions known to science, scoring a staggering 46 out of 50 on the McGill Pain Index. Over the years, I’ve met many people who shared with me their struggles with chronic pain. Most admit that they never truly grasped the gravity of what having chronic pain meant until they experienced it or saw it in someone they care about.
The realization quickly hits: chronic pain isn’t just a physical challenge—it affects every aspect of life, from performing basic tasks like reading and having conversations, to ruining the ability to think clearly. When you live at such a high level of pain all the time, it changes you.
I try to look at the positive ways it's changed me. I am certainly more compassionate and understanding of others struggling and am a good listener and safe person to share with, and I find it's given me the ability to connect with people on a deeper level, which is so rewarding. Since starting this blog last year (July, 2024), I have met and connected with so many amazing people. Strong female entrepreneurs, disability advocates, Pain Warriors fighting daily for the life they want, and I've been blessed to have made these connections.
For me, everything I do pretty much revolves around pain management. The brain itself changes as a result, making this responsibility even heavier. Your neural pathways are altered by these pain signals and the toll this takes is not just physical; it’s emotionally and mentally exhausting. Your burnout can have burnout, it's so taxing on the mind and body. I have to do regular Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) exercises to help me manage my mental health, which has been impacted greatly from chronic pain.
Chronic pain's deep reach into the mind, heart and soul can be paralyzing and uncomfortable. It causes us to doubt ourselves, and our purpose, how useful we are and can leave us feeling frozen and isolated. It seeps into every crevice of your being, until one day there's no cracks left for it to seep into, and you realize you are at your limit. Pain has overwhelmed the brain and body in its entirety.
Over time, chronic pain begins to define us more and more deeply, with society's labels and labels we put on ourselves and each other. These labels might not even be entirely accurate, but they are governing our days. Those labels then become our truth. Over time these "truths" erode away at our self esteem and we begin to believe the lies it tells us about our value and self worth.
As part of my routine, I do daily CBT exercises to help me push back and manage these emotions. What CRPS has done to my self esteem and how I see myself as broken and damaged, is a constant battle, but one I intend to win.
According to definitions:
Chronic pain infiltrates every corner of your life. It questions your identity, your purpose, your self-worth. It creates isolation. Over time, it chips away at self-esteem, fuelled by both societal labels and internalized beliefs. Eventually, those labels can feel like the truth.
Chronic pain's strong hold doesn't stop with the individual suffering with chronic pain. It also grips the family unit tightly, while it slowly destroys everything you've built and worked for in life. It makes having friendships harder too.
When it came down to it, only a few of my friends took the time to try and understand, and even fewer that stuck around past the first year. I don't blame them, I didn't understand what was happening to me either. The loss of friends hurt me deeply. I felt so alone and like no one understood. That I was not worth putting in that effort.
CRPS was rare and there wasn't a lot of information on it. I was lucky that my doctor even knew what it was and that I was diagnosed a month after my fall. It was overwhelming the amount of pain I was in and it was spreading, eventually to both my legs.
Before long I was unable to work, I was going to the doctor or some specialist 3-4 times a week, and I could not do the things I was used to doing. I was big into sports, playing on multiple sports teams, and I could no longer do that. I was a different person. In a matter of seconds, my life completely changed, and it took years before I started to understand what having chronic pain meant.
There was so much going on, and I was so overwhelmed, that I don't remember much of the first 10 years - they were a blur of pain and survival. I'm pleased to say that after all of that, the friends I’ve made or reconnected with after my fall and diagnosis of CRPS don’t know me any other way, and they accept me for who I am, and even celebrate it with me. And to the friends that hung around - you don't know how much it's meant to me, to have your support and friendship. So thank you for blessing me with your friendship and for making the effort to learn about CRPS and chronic pain. There are no words for the difference it made.
Being in that much pain was hard to navigate, especially at first. I spent many days, curled in a ball crying and scared of what was happening to me, not knowing how to explain it in words. My brain was changing because of being in severe pain all the time, and I could do nothing to stop it.
It reminds me of a conversation I had early on, with a fellow CRPS warrior, who told me it would take 10 years to find the right treatment plan and another 10 to rediscover my purpose. She wasn’t wrong. It’s been 17 years, and only now do I feel like I’m beginning to thrive again.
So how do we live a meaningful life with something so consuming?
How do we reach our goals while living in pain?
How do we find joy when our bodies are in constant distress?
How do we cope with the ongoing grief of losing parts of ourselves?
The answer in simple terms? You don't give up. You do the work. You work hard on yourself. You actively participate in your pain management. You take one forward step at a time. You build a support system. You go to therapy, join support groups, find meaningful hobbies and read others' success stories. You become your own advocate by learning everything you can about your condition and you learn how to be compassionate with yourself by reading inspiring stories about people who have your illness and how they overcame their obstacles. All while managing your pain, your mental health, and the demands of daily life. This of course is easier said than done. I don't mean you have to be perfect, or have to overdo it by pushing yourself past your limits. I mean you don't give up trying your best. You don't give up trying to have a good life. At the end of the day, however you do it, you don't let pain win.
When I had my first accident, my kids were 3 and 1.5, and they needed a mom. That was my motivation, and my purpose, to be a mom to my kids to the best of my abilities. To let them know that above all else, they are loved. We did a lot of crafts and playing with Lego, puzzles, doing dolls hair, and making dollhouses and hotwheels ramps and garages out of recycled cardboard and plastic. I did this all while going to doctor's appointments, physio, massage, specialist appointments, and trying to run a household.
Chronic pain, when you look at it, it's not simple. It takes time, patience, energy and persistence to manage chronic pain, on top of your daily to-do's and if I'm being honest, I don't always have a lot of energy or mental bandwidth to do tons of extra things, even if they will help me. I do SO much already to manage my pain, my whole life pretty much revolves around managing it, and I sometimes just feel so burned out by it all. All of this is complex and takes time, and is easier said than done. It is something that doesn't happen overnight. It takes some time (often many years) to understand what's going on so you can build your support system, find the right medications, and find whatever else works.
One other thing also helps set you up for success, and that is making being organized a priority. Living with chronic pain is a lot of work and it affects your brain significantly. There's appointments, medications, and the fact that you are learning to live with being in severe pain all the time. Brain fog is a real thing, and you can forget something as soon as it's been said, and again when you ask the person to repeat it. It's hard to keep track when having a conversation. All of this can be very embarrassing and cause feelings of shame and guilt.
I often get lost where I am in a conversation, and what it’s about, and need cues to remind me what is being talked about. When you live with chronic pain, your day to day functions are competing for attention with the pain signals assaulting and overwhelming your brain, and it makes processing and doing things so much harder. Brain fog also causes cognitive processing issues and that means I often need what was said explained further so I can process and respond correctly.
I need to write a lot of stuff down, have lists and have multiple reminder systems in place, as well as people in my support system to remind me, in order to stay on top of everything. I need a lot of help to keep track of simple things, and I find this aspect of my chronic pain very embarrassing. It makes me feel bad about myself and I get trapped in thinking I’m not so smart. It also means it's hard to ask for help, because you think you should be able to still do it. It can make you feel stupid for needing help with something that used to be simple and easy to do.
Recently, to help with that, I got an Amazon Alexa to use as a sort of personal assistant to give me verbal reminders and alarms that I tell it to set, and it's been a great help. For appointments, I start reminding myself 3 or 4 days before so that it's in my mind. And I have multiple reminders set so that when I go to sleep, it's on my mind, and I have Alexa remind me at the same time I take my pills first thing in the morning, so that I don't go back to sleep and forget all about it.
With a lot of help from my mom, I'm consistently trying to get myself organized in the important areas of my life, and it's encouraged me to get more organized in other aspects of my life. The chaos that living with chronic pain brings to trying to stay organized, means that even though I do my best, I still require a lot of hand holding and help in this regard.
I'm really happy that the Alexa has helped so much because my need for a lot of verbal and written prompts and reminders, is a heavy burden. This burden mostly falls on my mom and consists of her messaging or calling me to check in with what I need to do, me writing it down in my calendar or sticky notes, and setting Alexa reminders, as well as my mom following up with me throughout the day to see if I need help if I’m struggling in any way to do those tasks.
It's almost a full time job managing chronic pain and I want to lessen the burden I place on my amazing mom, even though she's never complained, and does it all with a smile and sweet and loving kind words of encouragement. My mom says her job every day is to make me smile and feel loved and to never let me forget what a good person I am. My mom thinks I'm doing awesome, loves what I'm building online, and she tells me how proud of me she is. It's been 5 years since my dad passed, and I like to think he's looking down on me proud of his "Big Girl." Miss him.
In addition to my Alexa, I have my phone and certain apps that help with my mental health and organization, and an old fashioned dayplanner, to keep track of things I need to keep track of. I still require a lot of help in staying organized, but I can say that I'm proud of myself for needing the help a little less. It's been humbling to have to accept this is who I am and to adapt to relearn basic organizational skills and executive functioning as an adult. I also have to keep in mind that they may need adjustments to be something realistic and attainable for me that will also click with my brain.
What’s important is that I’m improving. I’m more organized now. I'm finding what works for me. Accepting help has been hard, but it's also been a big part of my growth.
I’m learning how to adapt, how to manage, and how to inch toward independence. None of it would be possible without the unwavering support of my mom. Her kindness, encouragement, and steady presence keep me going.
CRPS and chronic pain have tried to take everything from me. On the surface, it may look like they’ve succeeded in some ways. But look closer and you'll see the resilience, the fight, the effort I’ve put into preserving who I am. Chronic pain has not defeated me.
Thank you for taking the time to read my first blog post and get to know me a little better. I hope to be a valuable and supportive resource for chronic pain.
Has chronic pain changed you? What have you discovered about yourself through the struggle?
Let's talk. Your story matters too.
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You don't have to manage your chronic pain journey alone. Join our community of pain warriors by signing up for my newsletter on the home page or below any blog post on my website https://meredithhutton79.com/meredithhutton79. As a welcome gift, I'll send you two complimentary pain-tracking pages and a 200-page household planner to help ease your mental load.
For more resources, browse my collection of chronic pain-themed trackers, planners, and journals at my shop: https://meredithhutton79.com/shop