Living with chronic pain is like navigating a storm that won’t end. It impacts every aspect of your existence, from your physical capabilities and emotional well-being to your social life and sense of self. In the face of this persistent challenge, it can be easy to feel lost, defined solely by the limitations and discomfort you experience daily. This is precisely why self-discovery becomes not just a desirable pursuit, but an absolute necessity for pain warriors. Finding yourself and your purpose beyond chronic pain is really important, and it took me years to truly find myself. In some ways, I’m only beginning to discover myself, after years of not knowing who I truly am anymore and it’s really been wonderful.
Why Self-Discovery is Paramount for Pain Warriors:
Chronic pain has a way of stripping away our pre-existing identities. The activities we once enjoyed become difficult or impossible. The roles we played – the energetic parent, the dedicated athlete, the social butterfly – can feel like distant memories. Pain can become so all-consuming that it overshadows everything else, leaving us feeling like a collection of symptoms rather than a whole person. When your life is ripped out from under you, like a rug, and those defined roles disappear, you are left wondering who you are. As an adult, I played multiple sports. I played softball (batcatcher and short stop), hockey (goalie) and field hockey (goalie). I was into mountain biking, rollerblading, and swimming. I went for long walks, and I was active with the kids. All that disappeared and I was left wondering who I was. I was left wondering if I would ever get my life back.
Self-discovery offers a powerful antidote to this. It’s the process of actively exploring our inner landscape, understanding our values, identifying our strengths, and recognizing our unique needs, desires, and aspirations – independent of the pain. It allows us to redefine ourselves, not in spite of the chronic pain, but alongside it. The last couple of years I’ve been working on finding myself again and redefining who I am. My blog and business are a huge part of it and they have helped me see who I am.
The Profound Importance of Self-Discovery for Chronic Pain Sufferers:
- Reclaiming Identity: Chronic pain can make us feel like we've lost ourselves. Self-discovery helps us reconnect with the core of who we are beyond the pain. It allows us to identify our intrinsic qualities, passions, and interests that remain even when our bodies are struggling. This helps us rebuild a sense of self that isn't solely defined by illness. For many years I was an artist, but that changed in 2023 when I had my nervous breakdown and I began looking for new qualities, passions and interests to identify with. My brain had changed, and I needed a fresh start. A fresh perspective.
- Finding New Meaning and Purpose: When chronic pain alters our ability to engage in previously meaningful activities, it can lead to feelings of emptiness and loss of purpose. Self-discovery encourages us to explore new avenues for meaning and fulfillment. This might involve discovering new hobbies that are adaptable to our physical limitations, engaging in creative pursuits, or finding ways to contribute to our communities in different ways. I’ve always wanted to share my story, to give back to the chronic pain community, and after my nervous breakdown in 2023, this urge to share became stronger. I always thought I’d write a book, but given the first 10 years are a blur, a book did not make sense. I’d forgotten so much. But I still wanted to share my story. Then it came to me - a blog - where I can share my story in bits at a time. July, 2024 I wrote my first blog post, and that first post has inspired me to build something bigger. Sharing my story and ways to cope with the unrelenting pain with my fellow pain warriors through my blog, and writing pain themed tracking journals, became my purpose.
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Building Resilience: Understanding our inner strengths and coping mechanisms through self-discovery empowers us to navigate the challenges of chronic pain with greater resilience. When we know what truly matters to us and what we are capable of, we are better equipped to face setbacks and maintain hope. Having a growth mindset helps too. A growth mindset is when you thrive on challenges and interpret failures as stepping stones to success. It helps you navigate challenges with greater resilience and maintain hope. I have been told many times that I am resilient, but it’s taken me a long time to feel that I am actually resilient. For a long time I’d lost hope, wondered what the point of it all was, but as I recovered from my nervous breakdown in 2023, I found it again. I found my drive and my hope and I gave myself permission to start over. It’s the best decision I’ve ever made. By allowing myself to start over, I was able to work on myself and grow personally, into the person I was meant to be.
- Improving Self-Compassion: The journey of chronic pain can be incredibly isolating and frustrating. Self-discovery often leads to a deeper understanding of our own struggles and limitations, fostering greater self-compassion and acceptance. This is crucial for managing the emotional toll of chronic pain. For years I have used Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) to help with this very thing, and in 2023 I began to use 2 CBT apps, Clarity and Clearful, to help me foster the self-compassion I so need. That I deserve.
- Empowering Self-Advocacy: Knowing our values and needs empowers us to become better advocates for ourselves in healthcare settings and in our personal lives. When we have a strong sense of self, we are more likely to communicate our experiences effectively and seek the support we need. This is such an important skill to learn. In my CBT apps I have learned more about my values and goals, and how to better advocate for myself and communicate my needs to my support system. I also learned how to ask for help.
- Shifting Focus Beyond Pain: While we can never completely ignore chronic pain, self-discovery helps us to broaden our focus beyond it. By actively engaging with our inner world and pursuing our interests, we can create moments of joy, purpose, and distraction that can significantly improve our overall quality of life. Something that I think has made a difference with this, is my resilience. My ability to push forward and maintain hope no matter how hard it is. I have always sought out creative activities to keep me occupied, and distract myself from the unrelenting pain, it’s what has kept me afloat for so long. After my nervous breakdown in 2023, I began to see the world a little differently, and made a promise to myself that I was not going to let pain win. Now, in addition to being creative, I write my blog, have an extensive journaling routine and have authored 6 different pain themed tracking journals that are for sale on Amazon. Everything I’m building for my business leads back to me discovering writing. Writing has been a true gift that arrived just when I needed it in July, 2023 amidst my nervous breakdown, and the last 2 years I have experienced a large amount of personal growth through journaling and starting my blog.
Coping Skills and Ways to Experience Self-Discovery Despite Chronic Pain:
It’s understandable to think that self-discovery might be challenging when dealing with the constant demands of chronic pain. However, it's precisely during these times that it becomes most vital. Here are some coping skills and ways to embark on this journey:
- Mindfulness and Meditation: These practices help us to become more aware of our thoughts, feelings, and physical sensations without judgment. This can lead to a deeper understanding of our inner landscape and our responses to pain. Even a few minutes of daily mindfulness can make a difference. I love meditating while doing something creative, or listening to an audiobook on Audible while one of the dogs is on my lap in my recliner, and I have my evening wind down and sleep meditation I listen to to go to sleep.
- Journaling: This is a big passion of mine. Writing down our thoughts, feelings, experiences, and reflections can be a powerful tool for self-exploration. We can explore our values, identify patterns in our emotions, and track our journey with chronic pain. I am so grateful to have found journaling as it helped me process my emotions and feelings during my nervous breakdown, and it’s helped me climb out of that hole and helped shape who I am today.
- Creative Expression: Also a favourite is engaging in creative activities like painting, writing, music, or crafting can be incredibly therapeutic and a wonderful way to connect with our inner selves. These activities can provide an outlet for emotions that are difficult to express verbally and help us tap into hidden talents and passions. I can’t say this enough: when you have chronic pain, it is really, really, important to have something that’s yours. Something that gets you out of your head and into a flow state. Something you enjoy just for the sake of enjoying it. For me it’s drawing patterns using the Zentangle Method, painting with acrylic paint, and doing crafts. I also have written my first fiction book that I need to get back into so I can publish it. I usually just write about chronic pain, so writing a fiction book has really allowed me to spread my creative wings.
- Gentle Movement and Nature: Spending time in nature and engaging in gentle forms of movement that are comfortable for our bodies can be incredibly grounding and can foster a sense of connection with ourselves and the world around us. Even short walks or simply sitting in a peaceful natural setting can be beneficial. Being I am on Galiano Island, I have many opportunities for this! For me, I love nature, and being out in nature, listening to the sounds of nature. I find it brings about a sense of calm and peace in my mind and body, and I can feel it in my chest. I also have been building on my exercise routine and have now worked up to being able to do 1-2 exercise videos in Apple Fitness+ every day. Mondays and Thursdays are when I do exercises with my mother-in-law, and the other days of the week I do a Mindful Cooldown stretching and meditation video. Now that I do 1 exercise video a day, I am working my way up to being able to do 2 exercise videos a day. Sounds silly, but the hardest part of me doing 2 exercise videos a day, is that I often forget until it’s too late. So I have set up my Amazon Alexa to remind me in the morning, as well as the afternoon.
- Connecting with Supportive Communities: Sharing our experiences with others who understand chronic pain can reduce feelings of isolation and provide valuable insights and perspectives. Online or in-person support groups can be a great resource. This speaks to me so loudly, because I have experienced how amazing being in a support group can be, and I’ve done both online and in person. Having people understand all the weirdness, quirks, and intense feelings without needing to speak a word, is a true gift, and one that can be inspiring. I am wanting to get an in-person and online support group for Galiano Island, but it’s been hard to get going. Having just said this, I am going to write it down on my to-do list, and focus on getting one started and off the ground. I think our community would benefit greatly with a support group that meets regularly. If anyone local has any ideas, I’d love to hear them.
- Exploring New Interests (Adaptively): Think about activities you once enjoyed or new things you've always been curious about. Adapt them to your current physical abilities. Perhaps you can listen to audiobooks instead of reading, learn a new language through an app, or take an online course in a subject that interests you. I always thought it would be cool to have a blog on what creative project I was working on, and many years ago sort of started one up, that had no real cause, story or direction, and I gave up quite quickly. With my journaling experience, and experience writing in various mental health self help workbooks, I also thought it would be cool to create my own pain themed tracking journals, and make videos and online digital content that helps people living with chronic pain. Since I have taken up writing, in addition to just journaling, I started this blog that has come to mean something special to me. I started a blog on all things chronic pain and my ultimate goal is to create a digital space where pain warriors can go when they need a little extra support. I want to create an actual online community that is just for chronic pain, old school and styled like a web forum would look like before Facebook. I want to turn my website into an app, where my blog, my pain themed tracking journals, and my online support group would all be in one place.
- Reflecting on Values: What is truly important to you in life? What principles guide your decisions? Identifying your core values can provide a strong sense of direction and purpose, even when living with chronic pain. What I’ve learned since my nervous breakdown, is that I have that ability to bounce back from adversity and adapt to challenging circumstances. And out of those challenges, I’ve found my purpose and meaning in my life, that I can share with others’ struggling to live life with chronic pain. I can do this through my blog, different pain themed tracking journals and the new updates that I am putting together that will be on my blog. I am determined to build and grow my business, according to my values, with the core being not to ever give up.
- Practicing Gratitude: Focusing on the things we are grateful for, no matter how small, can shift our perspective and foster a more positive outlook. I have practiced a daily gratitude practice for about 10 years, with the last 3 years being more formal, and each evening I find the time to write out 3 good things that happened in my day, and to list 3 accomplishments in my day. I think that’s partly why I’ve never given up. I have small moments of routine and consistency amidst the chaos that have helped me keep going.
- Seeking Professional Guidance: Therapists and counselors can provide a safe and supportive space to explore our feelings, challenges, and goals related to self-discovery while living with chronic pain. Think of it as an investment in yourself. At my first appointment with a therapist, my homework was to list 3 good things about your day and 3 accomplishments you achieved in your day. This has been a game changer for me and something I’ve always gone back to. The thought of therapy can be scary for some, but it’s something I never regretted doing. I enjoyed the guided exercises and homework, especially when I started seeing progress and growth in myself. I use 2 CBT apps, Clarity and Clearful, to maintain what I’ve learned in therapy.
Embrace the Journey
Self-discovery is not just about where you want to go, but it’s about going on a journey that has no ending, especially when living with chronic pain. There will be good days and bad days, moments of clarity and times of confusion. Be patient and compassionate with yourself. Embrace the process of learning and growing, and remember that even amidst the flames of chronic pain, your true self remains, waiting to be discovered and nurtured. By actively engaging in self-discovery, you can reclaim your identity, find new meaning, build resilience, and ultimately, live a more fulfilling life, even with chronic pain as your constant companion.
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