This post was originally posted on Blogger November 21, 2024.
Reaching Out for Help with Chronic Pain: Why It's So Hard and How You Can Help
Chronic pain is an invisible illness that affects millions of people worldwide. It can be debilitating, isolating, and emotionally draining. One of the biggest challenges for people with chronic pain is reaching out for help. I struggle with it and I know I’m not alone in this.
Why is it so difficult to ask for help?
There are many reasons why someone with chronic pain might struggle to ask for help:
- Fear of judgment: People with chronic pain often worry that others won't believe them or will think they're exaggerating. This fear of being judged or dismissed can be a major barrier to seeking support. When you have chronic pain, and everything is a struggle, things like housework, self care and other simple tasks are hard to manage and often that means that those things don’t get done, are not done as often as you’d like, or to the extent they were when you were able-bodied. It’s embarrassing, and the fear of judgment is very real. It makes you not want people in your space and it affects your self esteem and feelings of self-worth. Chronic pain is an invisible disability, and often people don’t see the depth of your struggles because we are good at masking our pain and distress. This often results in us fearing we won’t be believed, or worry that people will think we are lazy. This is far from the truth. We want those things, but don’t have the physical or mental capacity to tend to them in the way that we want to, and that has a negative impact on our mental health and self esteem.
- Feeling like a burden: Chronic pain can make people feel like they're a burden to their loved ones. They may worry about asking for too much help or becoming dependent on others. Again, I am not alone in this. When you need help with SO much, it’s hard to ask. You feel like a bother, a pest, and an inconvenience…which all add up to feeling like you are one big burden. A big part of that is not being able to reciprocate in the same way. I try and find other ways to be helpful to the people in my life that help me a lot and always show my thanks.
- Internalized stigma: Unfortunately, there's still a lot of stigma surrounding chronic pain. People with chronic pain may internalize these negative messages and feel ashamed or embarrassed about their condition. This really rings true. I know it shouldn’t, but it does. Chronic pain is an invisible disability, and us Pain Warriors are good at masking what’s really going on in our mind’s and body’s so as not to be that burden, risk feeling judged or being seen as lazy or not interested. It really hurts, down deep, when these things come up and It makes you feel badly about yourself for having “let” chronic pain affect you so much. That fear of disappointing someone, being seen as less of a person, and risk of judgement are huge obstacles in reaching out for help.
- Difficulty communicating needs: It can be hard to articulate the complex and often fluctuating nature of chronic pain. This can make it difficult to explain to others what kind of help is needed. I struggle with this one a lot. There really aren’t any words I know of that convey how deeply chronic pain has affected me. How having my life ripped out from under me in a matter of seconds, only to happen again a year later, leaving me living with crippling pain, mental health issues, including both severe medical and physical trauma PTSD, and forever altering the trajectory of my life…how do you accurately describe what that does to a person? How deep that cuts? It’s hard to know where you need help the most, as you need help with all of it. Where do you start, because needing help on this level is overwhelming and putting it into words can be hard. When you need help with multiple things, things that then turn into multiple big things, it can be hard to break them down into smaller tasks that someone could help with. And sometimes it amounts to the simple fact that you feel stupid even asking and are embarrassed about what you need help with.
- Fear of vulnerability: Asking for help requires vulnerability. For some people, this can be a very difficult thing to do, especially if they've been let down in the past. For many Pain Warriors, opening up about your pain and struggles can feel like exposing a raw nerve. It takes courage to admit that you need help, and it can be scary to put yourself in a position where you might be rejected or dismissed. This is especially true for people who have experienced trauma or have had negative experiences with healthcare providers. The fear of being hurt or disappointed again can be a powerful deterrent to seeking help.
What can friends and family do to help?
If you have a loved one with chronic pain, here are some things you can do to support them:
- Believe them: The most important thing you can do is to believe your loved one when they tell you they're in pain. Don't minimize their experience or question their symptoms.
- Offer practical help: Ask if there are any specific tasks you can help with, such as grocery shopping, cooking, or cleaning. Even small gestures can make a big difference.
- Be a good listener: Sometimes, just having someone to listen without judgment can be incredibly helpful. Let your loved one talk about their pain and how it's affecting them.
- Educate yourself: Learn as much as you can about chronic pain and the specific condition your loved one has. This will help you to understand their experience and provide better support.
- Be patient: Chronic pain can be unpredictable. There will be good days and bad days. Be patient and understanding, and offer your support even when things are tough.
- Encourage professional help: Gently encourage your loved one to seek professional help from a doctor, therapist, or pain specialist. Offer to help them find resources or accompany them to appointments.
- Respect their limits: Don't pressure your loved one to do things they're not comfortable with. Respect their limits and understand that their needs may change from day to day.
- Avoid giving unsolicited advice: Unless you're a medical professional, avoid giving unsolicited advice about treatments or cures. Instead, focus on listening and offering support.
- Check in regularly: Even if your loved one doesn't ask for help, check in with them regularly to see how they're doing. Let them know you're there for them.
Reaching out for help is a crucial step in managing chronic pain, but it's undeniably challenging. The fear of judgment, the feeling of being a burden, internalized stigma, and the difficulty of communicating needs can create significant barriers. However, by fostering understanding, empathy, and open communication, we can create a supportive environment where individuals with chronic pain feel empowered to seek the help they need and deserve. Remember, everyone experiences chronic pain differently and you're not alone in this journey. The best way to support your loved one is to listen to them, believe them, and offer your help without judgment. By doing so, you can help them to feel less alone and more empowered in their journey with chronic pain. Together we can break down the barriers and build a more compassionate world for those living with chronic pain.