The New Normal: Chronic Pain and the Shifting Landscape of Life

This post was originally posted on Blogger January 15, 2025.

Chronic pain. It's an invisible illness that affects millions worldwide, yet its impact extends far beyond the physical. It seeps into every aspect of life, redefining what "normal" means and often leaving a trail of mental health struggles in its wake. This has definitely been the case with me. The mental devastation that being in non-stop pain causes, and the variety of types and severity of those pains, leaves permanent marks on your mental health. Simply put, it’s a real challenge and hard to live with, yet living with it is what us Pain Warriors and Spoonies do. We often silently suffer, not wanting to complain or draw attention to it for fear of not being believed, accused of exaggerating, or being labelled a “complainer”. In my case, every step I take, a sharp jolt of pain shoot up from my ankle up to my knee the leg that’s weightbearing; in addition to the pain that my pants and socks cause from being in contact with my skin when moving my legs; and a deep, throbbing, to the bone ache that is constant, and these painful realities leave me struggling to remain positive and navigate my day. Never in a million years did I think this would be my life. That I would have this new “normal” to live with. This post delves into the stark contrast between life before and after chronic pain, and explores the emotional toll and the surprising lessons about what “normal” now is that I’ve learned along the way. 

Life Before: A World of 'Taken-for-Granteds'

Remember those carefree days when you could spring out of bed, chase after your dreams with boundless energy, and enjoy simple pleasures without a second thought? That was the "old normal" for many of us. When you're healthy and able-bodied, "normal" is often synonymous with freedom and spontaneity. It's a life where you can effortlessly move your body without pain, where you wake up refreshed and energized, ready to take on the day. Socializing is easy and enjoyable, and your career aspirations aren't hindered by physical or mental limitations. You can climb a mountain, dance the night away, or work long hours without a second thought. It's a life where you're not constantly aware of your body, where you can simply exist and enjoy the world around you. It was a world where:

• Spontaneity reigned supreme. A last-minute invitation to hike a mountain? Sure! An impromptu dance party in the kitchen? Why not! Physical limitations were a distant concept. 

• Sleep was a refuge. Remember sinking into bed after a long day, drifting off into a peaceful slumber without pain dictating your position or waking you up throughout the night?

• Socializing was effortless. Concerts, parties, being on a sports team, and long dinners with friends were the norm, not events requiring meticulous planning and pacing.

• Work was fulfilling. Whether you were climbing the corporate ladder or pursuing your passion, your body supported your ambitions without complaint.

This "old normal" was often taken for granted. We rarely stopped to appreciate the freedom of movement, the restorative power of sleep, or the joy of effortless social connection. 

Life After: Navigating the 'Pain Normal'

Chronic pain throws a wrench into the gears of life, forcing a recalibration of expectations and a redefinition of normal. When you're in constant pain and battling the mental effects, "normal" takes on a very different meaning. It's a life that often revolves around pain management and simply enduring. Each day is a battle, where basic tasks require immense effort and mental fortitude. The simplest things, like getting dressed or taking a shower, can become monumental challenges. Social interactions are often fraught with anxiety and the fear of being misunderstood. The mental toll can be overwhelming, with depression, anxiety, and isolation becoming constant companions. It's a life marked by uncertainty and limitations, where you're forced to adapt and find new ways to exist in a body that feels like a stranger and scared of things becoming worse. Suddenly:

• Mornings are a battleground. Instead of springing out of bed, you engage in a slow, painful negotiation with your body, just to get moving. I have to wake up an hour before I have to, to take my morning medications. If I don’t, I simply can’t function, and I need to function as my oldest needs to get to the water taxi early, and that requires me to be ok enough to drive him there. 

• Sleep is a luxury. Finding a comfortable position becomes an impossible puzzle, and pain often disrupts rest, leaving you feeling perpetually exhausted. When I say exhausted, I don’t just mean tired. Part of my “normal” is experiencing a heavy fatigue daily that is an exhaustion that envelops my entire mind and body, making me feel weighed down and slow. 

• Socializing becomes a minefield. Every outing requires careful consideration: Will there be comfortable seating? How long can I manage to stand? Will the noise levels be overwhelming? Am I near a bathroom? What if I have to take my pills? These are just some of the things a Pain Warrior or Spoonie need to weigh when making plans. Plans are no longer simple.

• Work becomes a challenge. Focusing becomes difficult, and physical limitations may necessitate a change in career, a reduction in hours or even being unable to work at all. I tried to work as long as I could, but there came a point where I couldn’t manage and it was showing. When I fell I was a 911 operator and that job requires you to be on your A game, and with what was going on in my body, I definitely was not. It was a sad realization, but one I had to accept early on. 

This "pain normal" is accompanied by a host of mental health challenges. "Pain normal" is a state of existence where chronic pain is the baseline of everyday life. It's a reality where pain management, both physical and mental, becomes a daily priority. It's a life marked by limitations, where even simple tasks can be challenging and social interactions are often fraught with anxiety. "Pain normal" is the stark contrast to the "old normal" of health and able-bodiedness, where spontaneity, restful sleep, and effortless social connection were taken for granted. The constant pain can lead to:

• Depression: The loss of the "old normal" and the limitations imposed by chronic pain can trigger feelings of hopelessness and despair. How can it not? Your body and mind are being persistently assaulted with a variety of pain signals and their intensity varies from moderate to the most shockingly sharp and intense pains shooting throughout the affected area to the point you have to cry out. Living on edge waiting for the next pain spike is depressing. Life often revolves around pain management, which is also depressing, and one has to work hard at not falling down a dark hole that will be difficult to climb out of. 

• Anxiety: The unpredictability of pain flares and the fear of further physical decline can fuel anxiety and panic attacks. The worst fear that could happen in the world to people who suffer from chronic pain, is to get worse. For your pain to become worse, for your mental health to become worse, is a scary thought, especially when you are suffering so badly already. 

• Other mental illnesses: I also suffer from OCD, Medical and Physical Trauma PTSD, and Panic Disorder, in addition to severe depression and anxiety. When the pain is unrelenting, and not being managed well, I found that my mental health was falling in a steady decline and it took and still takes a lot of work to make any big improvements. Many Pain Warriors have been forced to submit to painful medical testing and procedures that are very traumatic to experience and it leaves a mark. In my case it left me with a lot of trauma and anxiety about certain things that was unmanageable. That built up and the result was a nervous breakdown. I’m now more open about how I’m doing and have created daily routines that work for me in managing my mental health.

• Isolation: The difficulty of participating in social activities and the feeling of being misunderstood can lead to social withdrawal and isolation. When you hurt, a lot, it really does not make you want to go out and do anything, either with friends or family or on your own. When everything you do makes you hurt, including doing nothing, it makes it really hard to want to get out of the house to do things. Even though those things are good for you, you don’t have fun the same way people who don’t suffer with chronic pain have fun. I struggle with this and I do my best not to let myself stay housebound too long. 

• Loss of Identity: Chronic pain can strip away hobbies, passions, and even your sense of self, leaving you feeling lost and adrift. This is very true. While I lost a lot of personal activities after my accident, as most of them were sports, I also gained hobbies and passions over the years. I’ve learned so many different ways to be creative, and now have started my business blending both my experiences with chronic pain and my creativity. 

Finding the Silver Linings: Lessons from the New Normal

While chronic pain undoubtedly brings immense challenges, it can also offer unexpected gifts. I am more compassionate and a better listener, and I can put myself in someone else’s shoes. Living with a "new normal" can teach us:

• Gratitude for the small things: A pain-free moment, a good night's sleep, or a simple walk in nature become precious and deeply appreciated. It’s important to find these moments and to appreciate and find joy in them just by simply experiencing yourself present and in the moment. 

• Resilience and inner strength: Navigating the challenges of chronic pain builds resilience and a deep understanding of your own inner strength. People have asked me, “How do you do it?”, “How do you keep going?” and my answer is, you just do. Somehow you end up finding the strength and resilience to keep going despite the crippling pain and emotional distress. 

• Empathy and compassion: Living with chronic pain fosters empathy for others who are struggling, visible or invisible illnesses alike. I find I have so many more meaningful connections because I wear my pain on my sleeve, and people feel safe and free of judgement when they are with me. 

• The importance of self-care: Prioritizing physical and mental well-being becomes essential for managing pain and maintaining a sense of balance. Acts of self care unfortunately can be challenging when you are suffering and in pain, but it’s important to carry on and do them. I have an app that prompts me through it every morning and evening so that I don’t forget, or fall asleep before completing those self care tasks. 

Conclusion

Chronic pain forces a redefinition of "normal," shattering the illusion of invincibility and bringing profound emotional challenges. Yet, amidst the struggle, there lies an opportunity for growth and a deeper appreciation for life's simple pleasures. By acknowledging the mental health impact of chronic pain, seeking support, and practicing self-compassion, we can navigate this "new normal" with greater resilience and find meaning even in the midst of suffering.