Finding Hope in the Deep: Lessons from Finding Nemo for Chronic Pain Sufferers

For many, Finding Nemo is a beloved tale of a neurotic clownfish searching for his lost son. It's a vibrant, often hilarious, and ultimately heartwarming adventure. The kids and I didn’t watch it as much as we watched Cars and The Incredibles, but we watched it a lot. Beneath the surface of dazzling animation and memorable characters, I found rewatching Finding Nemo so many years later, to offer surprisingly profound lessons that resonate deeply with the experience of living with chronic pain. 

For those coping with the constant weight of chronic pain, or supporting a loved one who is, this blog post explores how Marlin's quest, Dory's relentless cheerfulness, and the immense ocean itself offer insights into managing pain and cultivating hope, even when faced with extreme difficulties. 

The Ocean is Vast and Unpredictable: Accepting the Uncontrollable

From the moment Nemo is swept away, Marlin is plunged into a world far beyond his control. As a pain warrior, living with perpetual pain, I have so much I can’t control, and it’s something that I’ve had to learn to live with. I compare it to being just like the ocean. It’s immense, filled with both beauty and danger, and can be picture perfect or like a storm sneaking up on you out of nowhere. Just like with chronic pain, no matter how much Marlin worries or plans, he cannot dictate its currents or its inhabitants.

• The Lesson: This mirrors the unpredictable nature of chronic pain. Pain flares can seemingly come out of nowhere, good days can turn bad without warning, and the path to relief is rarely linear. Just as Marlin learns to navigate the unpredictable ocean, those with chronic pain must learn to accept that there are aspects of their condition they cannot control. Fighting against this reality often leads to increased frustration and distress. I have learned it is better for my mental health to accept certain things about my condition, instead of fighting against them. It’s taken me a long time to get to this place. 
• Applicability to Chronic Pain: This lesson is crucial because a significant source of suffering in chronic pain often stems from the desperate desire to control something that is inherently uncontrollable. This can manifest as relentless searching for a "cure," beating oneself up over perceived setbacks, or feeling a profound sense of injustice. This is an exhausting quest to be on, because if you are always searching for acceptance, you might miss out on some really great experiences. 
• How it Helps: Accepting the unpredictable nature of pain doesn't mean giving up on improvement. Instead, it frees up mental and emotional energy that was previously spent on fruitless battles. It allows for a shift in focus from what cannot be changed to what can. This is an important skill to learn because life is just so much better when you put your energy into the things you can do, instead of dwelling on what we can’t. 
• Coping Strategies:
  • Mindfulness: Practicing mindfulness helps you observe your pain without judgment or the need to immediately change it. It's about acknowledging the sensation, like observing a wave, rather than being swept away by it. 
  • "Radical Acceptance" (from DBT): This concept encourages fully and completely accepting reality as it is, even if it's painful. This isn't approval, but an acknowledgement that "this is what is happening right now."
  • Focus on the Present Moment: When pain is overwhelming, try to ground yourself in the present. What can you see, hear, smell, touch, taste right now? This helps to prevent catastrophizing about the future.

Just Keep Swimming: The Power of Perseverance and Pacing

Dory's mantra, "Just keep swimming," becomes a beacon of hope throughout their arduous journey. Despite her short-term memory loss, her unwavering determination to move forward, one fin-stroke at a time, is what ultimately propels them closer to Nemo. Perseverance is so important when you suffer with chronic pain, because without it we would all just give up and not try to live our best life, despite chronic pain. It’s important not to give up hope, not to give up trying to manage your pain so that you can live a good life. 

• The Lesson: This is a powerful metaphor for perseverance in the face of chronic pain. There will be days when simply getting out of bed feels like an insurmountable task. There will be setbacks and moments of despair. But Dory teaches us the importance of continuing to move forward, even if it's just a small step. This is something I have been working on the last couple of years. I almost got swallowed whole by chronic pain in 2023, and I’ve been working really hard to build a better, happier me. 
• Applicability to Chronic Pain: Chronic pain can be incredibly isolating and debilitating. It can erode motivation and make even simple tasks feel monumental. "Just keep swimming" isn't about pushing through pain recklessly; it's about finding a sustainable pace and not giving up on life, even when it feels incredibly difficult. 
• How it Helps: This mindset fosters resilience. It encourages individuals to find small victories, to celebrate consistency over intensity, and to recognize that even slow progress is still progress. This is something I learned last year. That celebrating the small victories and personal growth, even if it’s achieved by taking smaller steps, is important. 
• Coping Strategies:
  • Pacing Activities: Break down tasks into smaller, manageable chunks. Instead of trying to clean the whole house, clean one room for 15 minutes, then rest. This prevents overexertion and subsequent pain flares. I use the Pomodoro Timer method which I have adjusted to fit my physical ability.
  • Goal Setting (Small & Achievable): Set realistic, tiny goals each day. Maybe it's just a 5-minute walk, or making one phone call. Celebrate these small accomplishments. Every morning I plan my to do list for the day, including self care, and it’s much better for your mental health to have realistic and attainable goals instead of ones that are too big to reach. 
  • Flexible Scheduling: Don't rigidly stick to plans if your pain is severe. Be kind to yourself and allow for flexibility. If you can't do what you planned, adjust, don't abandon. This is also an important lesson to learn as life with chronic pain is always changing and it’s vital to have some flexibility. 
  • Rest and Recovery: Just like Dory needs moments to regroup, listen to your body and prioritize rest. This isn't laziness; it's an essential part of managing chronic pain. Pacing yourself and prioritizing rest when needed are both crucial to one's physical and mental health. 

It's Okay to Ask for Help: The Strength in Vulnerability

Marlin, initially, is fiercely independent and protective, reluctant to trust anyone. Yet, his journey is filled with encounters where he must rely on the kindness of strangers – Dory, the sharks, Crush and his turtles, even Nigel the pelican. He learns that he cannot do it all alone. When you suffer from a decline in physical and mental abilities, and you need help with almost everything, it can be really hard to ask. Often we think we should be able to do these things, and we feel like burdens on our loved ones, which makes it hard to ask. 

• The Lesson: For those with chronic pain, the instinct can be to withdraw, to not burden others, or to feel like a failure for needing assistance. Finding Nemo reminds us that asking for help is not a weakness, but a strength. It opens doors to support, understanding, and shared burdens. Needing support does not mean you are less of a person. 
• Applicability to Chronic Pain: Chronic pain can be invisible, making it difficult for others to understand. This can lead to feelings of isolation and a reluctance to seek help, whether it's from family, friends, or medical professionals. Unless you live it and experience it yourself, you can’t know what it’s like. You can’t know the heavy burden it is to carry. 
• How it Helps: Reaching out reduces the burden of carrying the pain alone. It allows for practical assistance, emotional support, and the feeling of being seen and understood. It also provides opportunities for others to connect and contribute, which can be fulfilling for them as well. 
• Coping Strategies:
  • Communicate Your Needs: Clearly and kindly articulate what you need to loved ones. Be specific ("Can you help me carry the groceries?" rather than "I need help.").
  • Build a Support System: Identify trusted friends, family members, or support groups who understand or are willing to learn about chronic pain.
  • Seek Professional Help: Don't hesitate to consult with doctors, physical therapists, psychologists, or pain specialists. They are experts who can offer tailored strategies and treatments.
  • Join a Chronic Pain Support Group: Connecting with others who share similar experiences can be incredibly validating and provide a sense of community.

Finding Joy in the Journey: Shifting Focus from Outcome to Process

Marlin's initial focus is solely on finding Nemo, with little regard for the incredible world around him. Dory, despite her memory issues, finds joy in the smallest things – a silly song, a new friend, a glowing light. As Marlin spends more time with Dory, he begins to see the beauty in the journey itself, not just the destination. This is yet another really important lesson to learn. Living mindfully, and with purpose, makes life so much better.

• The Lesson: When living with chronic pain, it's easy to become fixated on the "cure" or the eradication of pain. This can lead to constant disappointment and a feeling that life is on hold. Finding Nemo encourages us to find moments of joy and appreciation within our current circumstances, rather than waiting for an elusive "pain-free" future. It also leads to hypervigilance for things that could cause more pain, and being on edge like that can actually increase your pain. 
• Applicability to Chronic Pain: The relentless pursuit of pain relief can overshadow all other aspects of life. This can lead to anhedonia (inability to feel pleasure) and a diminished quality of life. My life revolves around my pain management, and that is a really exhausting way to live. 
• How it Helps: Shifting focus to finding joy in the present helps to improve overall well-being and emotional resilience. It allows for a more fulfilling life, even with ongoing pain.
• Coping Strategies:
  • Gratitude Practice: Each day, list 3 things you are grateful for, no matter how small. This trains your brain to notice positive aspects of your life. I also like to list 3 accomplishments. 
  • Engage in Pleasurable Activities (Paced): Identify activities you enjoy and find ways to incorporate them into your life, even if you need to modify them. This could be listening to music, reading, gentle stretching, or spending time in nature. The important thing is that you find these activities enjoyable and peaceful. 
  • Savoring: When you experience something pleasant, consciously slow down and fully experience it using all your senses. I have learned to live mindfully and it’s made such a huge difference in my life. 
  • Connect with Nature: The ocean in Finding Nemo is full of wonder. Spending time outdoors, even just observing a tree from your window, can be incredibly restorative. This is why I love my house. It’s on 11.5 acres of forested land and means nature is right out my back door. 

Beyond the Reef: A Continuous Journey

Just as Marlin and Nemo's relationship evolves throughout the movie, so too does the journey of living with chronic pain. There will be good days and bad days, moments of despair and moments of triumph. But by embracing the lessons from Finding Nemo – acceptance of the uncontrollable, the power of perseverance, the strength in vulnerability, and the importance of finding joy in the journey – we can navigate the deep waters of chronic pain with greater resilience, hope, and a renewed sense of purpose.

So, the next time you watch Finding Nemo, remember that its vibrant tale holds more than just entertainment. It holds profound wisdom for anyone navigating their own challenging currents, reminding us all to "just keep swimming."

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