The Fog of Forever: Navigating the Despair of Chronic Pain

Chronic pain. It's like a bad smell that won’t go away, a shadow that colours every moment, a weight that drags you down. It's more than just physical discomfort; it's a thief that steals your joy, your energy, and sometimes, your hope. If you're living with chronic pain, you've likely experienced the crushing feeling of wanting to give up. You’re at the end of your rope and no strength to keep going. But you have to because often you don’t have a choice. You're not alone. 

The Weight of Weariness: Why Chronic Pain Breeds Despair

The desire to surrender stems from a complex interplay of physical and emotional factors. Let's delve into some of the most common reasons why chronic pain can lead to feelings of hopelessness:

• Unrelenting Physical Discomfort:

  • Why it feels impossible: The constant, gnawing, throbbing, or burning pain becomes an all-consuming presence. Sleep is disrupted, daily tasks become monumental, and even simple pleasures are overshadowed. The body feels like a battleground, constantly under siege. There’s no break from it. It’s just always there, constantly interrupting your thoughts and actions and how you go about your day.

  • Why it leads to giving up: The sheer exhaustion of fighting pain day in and day out wears down even the strongest spirit. I like to think I have a lot of resilience, but there are days you begin to question if there will ever be respite and you feel desperate for it. For anything. But at the same time you can be too tired to even try.

• Emotional Toll:

  • Why it feels impossible: Chronic pain often coexists with Depression, Anxiety, and irritability. For me in addition to depression and anxiety, I’m dealing with OCD, Physical and Medical Trauma PTSD, and Panic Disorder. The constant pain and its limitations can lead to feelings of isolation, frustration, and helplessness.

  • Why it leads to giving up: The emotional burden adds another layer of suffering, making it seem like the pain is not just physical but a complete erosion of your well-being and identity and sense of self. The emotional pain can be just as bad if not worse than the physical pain. This is so true. The emotional turmoil is overwhelming and some days you feel like you just can’t do it anymore and things that you do that help you become too hard to do. Even the things that help. I’ve felt that exhausted that the thought of getting up to grab my pills or rub a medicated cream on my legs/back just doesn’t feel possible. But, the hard thing is if you don’t do those things, you feel worse, and even more like not getting up. 

• Loss of Function and Independence:

  • Why it feels impossible: Chronic pain can significantly impact your ability to work, socialize, and participate in activities you once enjoyed. This loss of function can lead to feelings of inadequacy and a diminished sense of self-worth. Pain Warriors and Spoonies can be especially critical of ourselves, and we can sometimes place a value on ourselves related to what we can and can’t do. This is a real struggle for me. There are many things I can’t do anymore, or have had to modify, because of my chronic pain, and unfortunately the things I can’t do anymore affect my feelings of self worth. 

  • Why it leads to giving up: The inability to live the life you once had can create a sense of grief and despair. It feels like your identity has been stolen, and you're left with a shell of your former self. For me this grief never seems to go away. With each new decreased ability or limitation that happens, the grieving cycle  does not have a chance to end. It’s been 16 years this March and I’m still grieving the person I think I would have been.

• Financial Strain:

  • Why it feels impossible: Medical bills, lost income, and the cost of therapies can create a significant financial burden. The stress of financial instability can exacerbate pain and emotional distress. All I can say is thank goodness for benefits. If we didn’t have benefits I would not be able to get the medications I need in order to live the best life I can given the circumstances. I’d basically be bed ridden and in a wheelchair. My medications allow me to live my life out of my bed and with my loved ones. They allow me to be creative and do things for myself that make me feel good. And it even allows for a small exercise routine I put together for myself in 2023.

  • Why it leads to giving up: The overwhelming financial pressure can make it feel like you're trapped in a cycle of pain and poverty, with no way out. You certainly don’t get rich on disability. I had a good job as a 911 operator when I had my fall and due to the pain and medications I had to stop working. I miss being able to have a job outside of the home. 

• Lack of Understanding and Support:

  • Why it feels impossible: Chronic pain is often invisible, making it difficult for others to understand the extent of your suffering. This lack of understanding can lead to feelings of isolation and invalidation. Even the most understanding person can never truly get it until they live it. I have had friends and acquaintances over the years when they’ve experienced some sort of debilitating pain apologize to me that I have to go through this every day and that they truly saw life through my eyes. They got it. 

  • Why it leads to giving up: Feeling like no one understands your pain can make you feel utterly alone. You may begin to internalize the belief that your pain is not real or that you're exaggerating. I am very fortunate that I have a really wonderful support system that is very accommodating and understanding and most importantly they believe me and they care about my wellbeing. 

• Treatment Fatigue:

  • Why it feels impossible: The constant cycle of trying new treatments, medications, and therapies, often with limited or no success, can be incredibly discouraging. I call this being “appointmented” out. And again, even important appointments or appointments that will benefit you (like massage) become too overwhelming to go to. Eventually you may even stop going all together. 

  • Why it leads to giving up: You may feel like you've exhausted all options and that there's no hope for improvement. The feeling of treatment fatigue, and the lack of a cure, are some of the hardest things to cope with. We already are physically compromised, so the many doctor’s appointments and commitments we have take spoons we don’t have (and if you don’t have the spoons today, you have to borrow from tomorrow, causing further distress and pain) and often quite a distance away, so costing us money we don’t have with gas and parking. At one point I was averaging 3-4 appointments per week, and it did get to be too much. I went to them but I sure suffered through it. 

Finding Light in the Darkness: Coping Strategies When You Feel Like Giving Up

While the desire to give up is understandable, it's crucial to remember that you are not powerless. Here are some strategies to help you navigate the darkness:

• Acknowledge and Validate Your Feelings:

  • It's okay to feel overwhelmed, frustrated, and hopeless. Don't suppress your emotions. Acknowledge them, and allow yourself to grieve the losses associated with chronic pain. This is something I’ve been working on. I often don’t have the right words to express just what CRPS has done to me, the damage is catastrophic and I feel the losses deeply, so I have a hard time verbalizing the severity. 

• Seek Professional Help:

  • A therapist or counselor specializing in chronic pain can provide invaluable support and guidance. They can help you develop coping mechanisms, manage emotional distress, and build resilience. I went through a few psychologists before finding one that specialized in pain and spinal cord injuries, and the difference was night and day. I started to feel positive again and I didn’t feel like my pain was being dismissed, or my favourite when my pain goes away, so will my mental health issues. They didn’t get that this was permanent and I was told I was being negative. No, just realistic. Finding someone to help you process, problem solve and navigate your chronic pain and the mental distress it causes, that has experience working with these things, is so important. It’s one of the best things I did for myself. 

  • A pain management doctor is also very important. They can help with medication, and other physical treatments. Wait times though are brutal. What is also brutal is doctors afraid to treat chronic pain and often will tell their patients to take Tylenol or Advil and they don’t offer any solutions. Most of us are so beyond over the counter meds and if they worked we wouldn’t be at the doctor! I am very lucky in that I have a super amazing doctor and only wish all Pain Warriors and Spoonies had access to the high level of care I receive.

• Build a Support System:

  • Connect with others who understand what you're going through. Join a support group, either online or in person. Sharing your experiences and hearing from others can reduce feelings of isolation and provide a sense of community. This is also really important. Because of my blog, I have been in touch with some childhood friends sharing their stories and how much my blog has helped them. Connecting with them has been really good for me. It’s important to have people in your life that don’t need words to understand, and that truly get and feel your level of pain and mental health struggles.

• Practice Self-Compassion:

  • Be kind and gentle with yourself. Chronic pain is not your fault. Treat yourself with the same compassion you would offer a friend in pain. I have been working on this a really long time, and I have to say, I am so much more positive about myself than I was, but I still have a long way to go. I can be harsh on myself, really harsh, so I made it a focus and goal this year to get rid of the negative self talk and pressure I put on myself. I always ask myself, "What would you say to a friend who is going through this very thing?” I’m pretty sure I would not be harsh and judgmental of them.

• Focus on What You Can Control:

  • While you can't control the pain itself, you can control how you respond to it. Focus on activities that bring you joy and a sense of purpose, even if they're small. This is why I fill my days with lots of self care activities and working towards my goals around the house, as well as building my blog and business blogging and writing chronic pain themed journals and trackers. 

• Break Down Tasks into Smaller Steps:

  • Overwhelm can be a major trigger for despair. Break down large tasks into smaller, more manageable steps. Celebrate small victories along the way. In 2024 I got really good at this and it’s now how I plan my day. Not by the entire goal or chore, but by tasks that work towards the entire chore, goal or task. It’s also so so important to celebrate your wins…both the tasks that work towards your goals or accomplishing your big goal are cause for celebration. I love cannabis so often my reward is to enjoy a joint while doing something I find mindful, like meditating, drawing or writing.

• Prioritize Self-Care:

  • Make time for activities that nourish your mind, body, and soul. This may include gentle exercise, meditation, deep breathing, spending time in nature, or engaging in creative pursuits. I do all these things. I made my self care my priority in 2023 after a lengthy nervous/mental breakdown that shattered what was left of my mental health. It became a necessity, an urgent necessity, that I prioritize my self care. So that’s what I did. I started a fitness routine with my mother-in-law, and worked my way up to exercising almost every day, I started meditating while colouring, focusing on my body and my breath, spending time outside, doing arts and crafts, and writing in my habit, journaling and CBT apps, as well as my journals and my blog and website. All of these things fill my cup. Now I plan my chores around my self care, and by scheduling my time, more is getting done.

• Mindfulness and Meditation:

  • These practices can help you to focus on the present moment, and reduce stress. There are many guided meditations online, or through apps. I use 2 meditation apps, being Apple Fitness+’s meditations and mindful cooldowns (stretching followed by a short mediation) and Balance, an app that has many themes covered and is formatted like a 10 part course, with 10 different mediations and skills per “course”. I usually do the ones focusing on chronic pain. I often colour or do something creative when I’m listening to the meditations on Apple Fitness+ during the day, and I use Balance as a way to wind down my day before bed.

• Pacing:

  • Learn to pace yourself. Overdoing things will just cause more pain. Learn your limits, and stay within them. This is one of those things that I continually strive to work towards. Sometimes you don’t know you’ve overdone it, or you think you are pacing yourself, but you do too much. It might sound silly, but what I find works best for me is to work in 5-10 minute spurts, then take a break. How long the break is depends on how physical my 5-10 minutes were. Some tasks and chores take more spoons than others.

• Remember Your Resilience:

  • You have survived every painful day thus far. Remind yourself of your strength and resilience. You are stronger than you think. On some level I think my strength comes from part necessity, and part personality, as I’ve never really been one to completely give up, and I always strived for doing things to the best of my ability. To me giving up is not an option. If I give up, then what? 

• Find Small Moments of Joy:

  • Even when in great pain, find small things that bring joy. A funny video, a pet, a song, a good meal. These small moments add up. This is especially important because those little moments of joy can completely turn around a bad day. I love cuddling with my dogs, arts and crafts and being creative, hanging out with family and friends, writing, and reading or listening to an audiobook. 

• Reframe Negative Thoughts:

  • Chronic pain can lead to negative thought patterns. Challenge these thoughts and replace them with more positive and realistic ones. I work on this daily by using 2 different CBT apps, Clearful and Clarity, and do the thought reframing exercises on a regular basis. When I miss doing them for a period of time, my self esteem and feelings of self worth are negatively affected and I get down on myself. I find that working in my CBT apps doing the daily exercises to be very helpful with keeping my mindset more positive.

• Create a Pain Journal:

Writing down your pain levels, triggers, and coping strategies can help you identify patterns and better manage your pain. I created a chronic pain and wellness tracker that is available on Amazon, and keeping a pain tracker or diary is really important, especially in the beginning. Doctors want to see facts and data, and can’t help you as well if you give them generalities. By seeing what your pain is like, and how it impacted your day, is very important. By tracking your pain you gain the ability to identify patterns and see things you might not have seen if you weren’t tracking your pain. This also gives the doctor an opportunity to see your pain on a day to day basis so they can treat you accordingly.

Find my Chronic Pain & Wellness Tracker on Amazon here (I have both a beautifully coloured version and a black and white version):

Chronic Pain & Wellness Tracker, Colour 8.5x11 Edition:

https://www.amazon.ca/dp/1069213039

Chronic Pain & Wellness Tracker, Black & White 8.5x11 Edition:

https://www.amazon.ca/dp/1069213047

A Final Word:

Living with chronic pain presents an incredibly challenging and complex journey. It's a path often fraught with physical distress, emotional turmoil, and the constant struggle to maintain hope. The desire to give up, as explored in this discussion, stems from a confluence of factors: the unrelenting nature of the pain itself, the emotional toll it takes, the loss of independence and function, financial strain, a lack of understanding from others, and the weariness of treatment fatigue. These elements can coalesce into an overwhelming sense of despair, making it feel as though the pain is not just a physical affliction, but an all-encompassing force that threatens to erode one's entire being.

However, it's essential to remember that even within the depths of this struggle, resilience and hope can persist. The strategies outlined, such as acknowledging and validating feelings, seeking professional help, building a support system, practicing self-compassion, and focusing on what can be controlled, are not mere suggestions, but vital tools for navigating this difficult terrain. These tools can help individuals reclaim a sense of agency and purpose, even amidst the pain.

The journey of living with chronic pain is not a linear one. There will be fluctuations, setbacks, and moments of intense difficulty. But there will also be moments of strength, resilience, and even joy. It's crucial to acknowledge these small victories, to celebrate the ability to endure, and to recognize the inner strength that has allowed survival thus far. Reaching out for support, whether from a therapist, a support group, or loved ones, is not a sign of weakness, but an act of courage. It's a recognition that no one has to face this battle alone.

Remember, you are not alone in this. 

To see my other chronic pain themed trackers and planners, my Amazon links are as follows:

Chronic Pain Fitness Planner, Colour 8.5x11 Edition:

https://www.amazon.ca/dp/1069213063

Chronic Pain Fitness Planner, Black & White Edition:

https://www.amazon.ca/dp/1069213063

Chronic Pain Food & Symptom Tracker, Colour 8.5x11 Edition:

https://www.amazon.ca/dp/106921308X

Chronic Pain Food & Symptom Tracker, Black & White 8.5x11 Edition:

https://www.amazon.ca/dp/1069213055